No, THIS is Madness
by Sahara Storm
Summary: [Oneshot, Suzaku Seishi] The Suzaku Seishi are on a quest. What for, they’re not quite sure. Meanwhile, prepare for... a Gay Pride Parade? ...Cookies? ...Glory? ...They’re not too sure about that either. [A 300 parody.]


**Title:** No, _This_ is Madness

**Fandom:** Fushigi Yuugi

**Pairing: **SUZAKU SEISHI SEVENSOME FOR THE WIIIIIN. I mean... None.

**Rating:** PG-13.

**Word Count: **572

**Summary/Description: **The Suzaku Seishi are on a quest. What for, they're not quite sure. Meanwhile, prepare for... a Gay Pride Parade? ...Cookies? ...Glory? ...They're not too sure about that either.

**Warning/Spoilers:** Errr… innuendo. Crack. Stupidity. Intentional OOC. I wasn't kidding about the crack.

**A/N:** One day, I will hop on a plane to New Jersey, and I will kidnap Yukari Rin. I will bring her back to Trinidad with me, where I will feed her mangoes and pomeracs, and she shall forever be my supplier of bunnies, crack and otherwise. ILU RIN. ;3 This is a _**300**_ (the movie/graphic novel) spoof/crack/parody thing.

**Disclaimer:** Nobody this retarded could own Fushigi Yuugi.

* * *

"This is madness!" Hotohori declared with a scowl of rage, and looked around for something to kick.

"What is?" Tamahome enquired, straightening his cloak. "The fact that we are a hotbed of homoerotic tension?"

"No!" The emperor pouted. "The fact that Nuriko looks better in his loincloth than I do!"

It was true. The violet-haired man cut a very striking figure in his black velvet undies. He hastened to comfort his monarch.

"Don't worry, Your Highness," he said, patting Hotohori's arm. "Just pretend that I am a topless woman, and then you can be the best looking man out of us seven." _Things will work out in BOTH our favours_, he did not add cheerily.

The emperor's pout deepened.

"But what about your dangly-bits?"

They both looked down. _That_ was true as well; the tight black underpants were not at all conducive to hiding what one wished one did not have.

"Damn you," said Nuriko crossly to his privates as Hotohori walked away mournfully.

"Err. Anyway," Tamahome said, slipping on his helmet, "we should get going."

"You're right," Hotohori admitted. The seven men filed out of the room, neatly sidestepping the puddle of goo that had once been Miaka, before she had melted due to the sheer amount of testosterone in the atmosphere.

At the top of the long flight of stairs that led the way out of the palace, they met a group of palace guards talking animatedly.

"Please make way for the Emperor," Mitsukake said in a deep, stoic, manly voice, with his arms crossed over his well-defined chest. Several of the guards spontaneously grew a pair of ovaries.

"May we ask where His Highness is going?" asked one of them who still seemed to have his Adam's apple.

"We are going for a walk," Hotohori announced. "These six men are my personal bodyguard."

"Errrr," another voice piped up. "I think you've got it wrong, Your Majesty. _We're_ your personal bodyguard. It's why we stand outside your room, follow you wherever you go, and help you play dress up."

"Shut up!" Hotohori said, and kicked him into a nearby black hole. He felt better.

They made it out of the palace, and began travelling along the streets of Konan, sometimes stopping to drop into the phalanx formation, because it seemed like the appropriate thing to do, and because the word had an amusing likeness to 'phallus'.

After about a half hour of marching and various antics, Chichiri whispered, careful not to let the Emperor hear,

"Where are we going, anyway?"

Tasuki shrugged.

"I thought we were having a Gay Pride Parade."

"I thought we were out to get cookies," Tamahome said crossly. "I wanted cookies."

Nuriko was ogling the Emperor's ass, and did not answer. Mitsukake was too cool to wonder where they were going.

Chiriko mused.

"Well… I was under the impression that we were off on a valiant quest the save our kingdom from certain doom under the oppressive hands of our most vile and hated enemies, and honourably sacrifice our lives in the process."

He became quite impassioned while speaking, and Hotohori, who had been admiring himself in the puddles that they passed along the way, overheard him. He turned to give the young scholar an incredulous look.

"Don't be ridiculous; we are off to have a fashion show; what else?" A carefully tweezed eyebrow arched high. "Valiant quest, indeed. What do you think this is, Sparta?"

* * *

**A/N:** XD I prolly shouldn't fancy myself so amusing.

Feel free to tell me how much this sucks/doesn't suck. :)))


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